As Antwain gets closer, Tania
drops her head in shame, “Antwain, I’m a mess.”
“A mess? Babe, you lost your brother, I expect you to
have ups and downs.”
“No Antwain…I was messed up long
before George died. Maybe it’s just in
my genes…some familial curse.”
“Babe, what are you talking
about? When I look at you, all I see is
beauty,” Antwain says reaching out for Tania.
“Antwain…no, don’t,” she says pulling back, just out of his reach.
“Just…don’t,” she says again in a
lower tone. Tania sighs, “I wish I could
really be who you see me as…I’m so tangled up inside that I can’t even fake
it.”
“But Tania, you don’t have to,” Antwain says shocked at what she’s implying. “I love you for who you are.”
“Can we just go somewhere
else?” She asks, not responding to his
statement.
The two of them get back in the
car and silently head toward a second destination. Tania sees a lone horse walking across one of
Riverview’s many bridges. She wishes she
had her camera to capture it forever.
Antwain prepares a picnic that he
intended for them to share next to the lake.
“I’m sorry. This is not fair to you.” Tania says after a
long silence.
Antwain has a lot he’d like to say, but he
decides to let Tania finish.
“I remember what I said to you when we were just teens…that you were the only thing to chase the clouds away when George died. It wasn’t fair of me to place my burdens on you.”
“Tania, you say that as if I was
some helpless victim. Don’t you
understand what it means to love someone?
It means being willing to share
burdens. It’s my job to take some of the load off of
you! Why don’t you get that?”
“I just…I don’t want our
relationship to be based off of just that.
I don’t want to always feel like the weak one…the dependent one, you
know?”
Antwain stands and Tania follows before he
responds. “Don’t you think that I depend
on you too? Why do you insist that this
is one sided?”
“Sometimes I just feel like you
didn’t really know what you were getting into with me.”
“So now you’re saying that I’m stupid?” Antwain asks rhetorically.
“I think that you’re over thinking things.”
“Maybe,” she responds after a while; looking up at the sky.
“Can we agree to just let things
be? You just be who you are and I’ll be
who I am and we’ll work on building a life together with no apologies.”
“Okay,” Tania says moving in
closer to him.
“Now this is nice…fresh
air…stars…and best of all, the woman that I love.”
“It is
nice…and I love you too!”
Antwain and Tania quietly enjoy their view of
the stars for a few moments.
“Look…the big dipper!” Tania says.
“That’s not the big dipper!” Antwain corrects.
“It is
the big dipper,” Tania insists. “See,
that’s the handle and the big pan thingy.”
“Then what’s that?” Antwain asks knowingly pointing to a bigger
version of the dipper that Tania pointed out.
“Tania…” Antwain
says after a while.
“What?” She asks, finally enjoying herself completely.
“Let’s have a baby…” he
says.
Tania sits up completely thrown off by Antwain’s words.
